Is Silence Good or Bad?
by: April Foulks
Silence is one of those multidimensional things that can be good or bad depending on how it is used.
As a parent this can be one of the hardest things to do.. keep silent.
This can be harder for those who have had to be both parents.
On one hand, we want the best for our children, we don’t want them hurt in any way, we want to help their lives run as smoothly as possible, and since we have already been through this we tend to step in where our opinion or advice is not welcome.
This can lead to those same children bluntly telling us to stay out or it’s none of our business, thus beginning a series of emotions we may have thought we have learned to control..
- and yes silence.
Through silence we can work through all of the above & figure out why we had those emotions to begin with…
On the other hand, if we can remember back when we were younger we didn’t & most likely still don’t, like unrequested interference in our lives & relationships either.
We begin to remember that that’s how we learned:
- what worked & what didn’t,
- that sometimes the only way to learn confidence & independence is to do it ourselves.
Deep breath, remember that up until this point you have tried to teach & show them how to:
- evaluate situations,
- how to speak & do things for themselves..
if you didn’t then it’s your fault, but this is normally not the case.
Have confidence in what you have taught & shown your child & know that whatever they decide, even the mistakes, is part of the learning process.
Once we reach this point, it’s IMPORTANT that we Apologize to our children or those involved!
Think about it for a minute..
- it is their life not ours,
- it is their relationship not ours,
This doesn’t mean that we were wrong about our opinion, or that we agree with what they said or did, it just means that we acknowledge that it was not our place to interfere, without receiving a request to do so.
Our society today needs to rethink our stance on no tolerance… to me this is probably one of the worst things we have put into law.
But this is not a political blog and that topic doesn’t belong here.
Moving on, there are so many dimensions to silence that it can be confusing, but I hope to help make that confusion a little clearer.
There is an old phrase that Silence is Golden..
True & False… Let me explain….
Are we using it to get our way?
I understand the basics behind this, but in all reality, HOW is someone suppose to know what’s wrong if YOU don’t tell them?
Most people are not mind-readers & although they may know something is bothering you, there are several reasons why they don’t ask:
- they don’t want to interfere
- they may think you will talk to them when you know in your mind what’s wrong or need their input,
- they may not want the repercussions of disturbing you “it’s none of your business”
- OR they just don’t care!
There are times when being Silent can harm you or others such as in cases of abuse & yes Politics.
Then there are the benefits of Silence
Silence does not have to be a scary sound!
Although some of the things listed below will seem repetitive to some, to others it will clarify, so please bear with me.
- Time for introspection
- evaluating your life
- making decisions
- meditating or praying
- studying or researching
The following are a few things we hear quite often in our society, and must be mentioned even though I personally do not entirely agree with them, since they are blanket statements and there are always exceptions to the rule.
- Don’t speak unless spoken to
- Children are to be seen & not heard
- Don’t Speak unless you have something good to say
I hope this has helped in some small way to understand the variations in yet another of the many words and phrases with different degrees of meaning used within our culture.
April Foulks 2013
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